Stay Together or Get a Divorce?

Discernment counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular partners counseling would help--and the other is "leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the partnership.

If you or your partner are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot, discernment counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your life-long partnership. The goal of discernment counseling is for each of you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. Discernment counseling is not partners counseling. We are not trying to solve the problems in your marriage, but rather to name them, identify your contribution to them, and come to a decision if each of you want to do the work to solve them. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No bad guys and good guys. The work of discernment counseling includes work together and work in individual conversations with me. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.

Discernment ends in a choice from three paths. Things stay the way they are, end in divorce/separation, or you commit to six months of partners counseling with the specter of divorce/separation off the table.

Discernment counseling is a structured program that consists of an initial individual screening typically followed by a maximum of 5 sessions.

You each decide for yourself if you want to proceed to the next session.

The first of the five sessions is 2 hours and any subsequent session is 1.5 hours.

Discernment counseling is not suited for these situations:

When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce, when one spouse is coercing the other to participate, and when there is danger of domestic violence in the relationship.