I’m Adding Narrative Therapy to My Toolkit

Narrative Therapy: You Are More Than the Story You Tell About Yourself

All of us tell stories about our lives. We have stories about who we are, why our relationships succeed or fail, what we're good at, what we're afraid of, and what our past says about our future. Over time, some of these stories can become so familiar that we stop recognizing them as stories and begin experiencing them as facts.

I'm an anxious person.

I always screw things up.

People eventually leave me.

I'm just not good at relationships.

Narrative Therapy is a form of counseling built around a simple idea: you are not the problem; the problem is the problem. Rather than asking, "What's wrong with you?" I might become curious about the story you've developed about yourself and how that story came to have so much influence over your life.

Separating You From the Problem

One of Narrative Therapy's most distinctive techniques is called externalization. Instead of saying, "I'm an anxious person," we might begin talking about "the Anxiety" as something that shows up in your life. When does Anxiety tend to appear? What does it persuade you to do? What does it keep you from doing? When are you better able to stand up to it? That small shift in language can create important psychological space. If I am the problem, changing can feel almost impossible. But if a problem is affecting me, I can begin deciding what kind of relationship I want to have with it.

Looking for the Parts of the Story That Got Left Out

Narrative therapists also look for what are called unique outcomes, experiences that don't quite fit the dominant story. Someone who believes, "I never stand up for myself," can probably identify at least a few occasions when they did. Rather than dismissing those moments as exceptions, I become curious about them. What allowed you to act differently that day? What does that tell us about you? What value were you protecting? Have there been other times when that part of you appeared? This process is known as re-authoring. The goal isn't to replace a negative story with an artificially positive one. It's to develop a richer and more accurate story, one that includes your strengths, choices, values, relationships, successes, and ability to respond differently. Narrative Therapy may also explore how families, culture, gender expectations, social roles, and other people's opinions have helped shape the stories we carry about ourselves.

You Are the Author, Not Just the Character

Perhaps the most appealing idea in Narrative Therapy is that no single story gets to completely define you. Your difficulties are real. Your history matters. Narrative Therapy isn't about pretending painful things didn't happen or simply "thinking positively." It asks a different question: What if the story you've been telling about yourself is true, but it isn't the whole story? Narrative Therapy can provide a place to discover the parts that have been overlooked and begin writing the next chapter with greater intention.

How Narrative Therapy and ACT Work Together

Narrative Therapy also pairs naturally with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Although the two approaches come from different traditions, they share an important idea: the stories we tell ourselves can strongly influence our lives, but we don't have to be controlled by them. Consider someone who carries the story “I'm a failure.” I might become curious about that story. Where did it come from? Who or what helped establish the standards by which you're judging yourself? When has the "failure story" been strongest? And what experiences in your life don't fit it? ACT approaches the same problem from a slightly different direction. Instead of trying to determine whether “I'm a failure” is true or false, I might help you notice that it is a thought, just something your mind is producing rather than an objective description of who you are. An ACT therapist might help the client shift from “I'm a failure.” to “I'm noticing that I'm having the thought that I'm a failure.” This ACT technique is called cognitive defusion. The thought hasn't disappeared, but its authority has changed.

This is where ACT and Narrative Therapy can complement each other particularly well. Narrative Therapy helps us examine the stories that have shaped our identities. ACT helps us change our relationship with those stories. Narrative Therapy asks where a story came from, how it gained power, and what other stories might also be available. ACT asks whether continuing to obey that story helps us build the kind of life we actually want. Both approaches also place considerable emphasis on values.

Suppose someone has spent years believing, “I'm weak because I'm afraid of conflict.” Narrative work might uncover experiences that complicate that story—times when the person protected someone, spoke up despite being frightened, or quietly persevered through something difficult. ACT can then help translate those discoveries into action. What kind of person do you want to be when fear shows up? The goal isn't to eliminate fear first. It's to become more willing to experience uncomfortable thoughts and feelings while choosing behaviors consistent with values such as courage, honesty, connection, compassion, or self-respect.

In practice, our therapy might move back and forth between the two approaches:

• Externalize the problem: "Anxiety has been telling you that you can't handle this."

• Notice the story: "There's the I'm-not-good-enough story again."

• Create distance from it: "Can you notice that thought without having to obey it?"

• Explore exceptions: "When have you acted differently from what that story predicts?"

• Identify values: "What does that tell us about what really matters to you?"

• Choose action: "If Anxiety comes along for the ride, what small step could you still take this week?"

The combined message is powerful: You don't have to erase your old story before you can begin living differently. You can recognize it as a story, understand how it developed, make room for the difficult thoughts and feelings attached to it, and begin taking actions that create a richer story about who you are. Over time, the question can shift from “Is this old story about me true?” to “Is this the story I want to keep organizing my life around?”

I’ve spent several years studying and practicing ACT. I’ve recently completed the first part of my journey with Narrative Therapy by completing the Level 1 Foundations course with The Vancouver School for Narrative Therapy. I believe the combination of Narrative and ACT will help me help you live the life you want to be living.